“We were promised sufferings. They were part of the program. We were even told, 'Blessed are they that mourn,' and I accept it. I've got nothing that I hadn't bargained for. Of course it is different when the thing happens to oneself, not to others, and in reality, not imagination.”― A Grief Observed by C.S. Lewis
In October of 2020, after the passing of my father, in the midst of lockdowns and deep anxiety caused by covid, far away to be with my loved ones to be present at his service, my world crashed faster than I thought it possible.
Somehow everything felt overwhelming. Every room, every closet felt suffocating. I couldn't breathe. I would function on auto-drive, smile, laugh, play but deep inside I felt like Alice just falling deeper and deeper in this hole of grief.
Even though, I wasn't truly aware of the problem, I tried searching for a solution. First and foremost, I tried finding a book to escape to and immediately found A Grief Observed by C.S. Lewis.
This book felt like I was listening to someone else in a grief support group. His emotions of losing his wife resonated so deeply that I felt comforted just knowing I wasn't alone. No amount of phone calls helped the same way. Each and every person either wished to offer condolences or say something they thought was comforting such as how he was in a better place. I needed camaraderie. I needed someone to let me weep in quiet, far away from my little kids who had to deal with the new world of lockdowns, virtual schools and more.
In hindsight, I am quite sure that there were a myriad of books on grief available when I was searching but this spoke to me and made me move forward. If you or someone you know is grieving, consider this book. It may just help the same way it helped me in a dark time.
No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear.Narnia author C.S. Lewis had been married to his wife for four blissful years. When she died of cancer, he found himself alone, inconsolable in his grief. In this intimate journal, he chronicles the aftermath of the bereavement and mourning with blazing honesty. He grapples with a crisis of religious faith, navigating hope, rage, despair, and love - but eventually regains his bearings, finding his way back to life. A luminous modern classic, A Grief Observed has offered solace to countless readers for decades.